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Dec. 28th, 2007 | 12:28 am

so i had a "date night" with chuck which was very fun we went and saw Sweeny Todd it was really good. a little bloody but thats okay with me we all have our sick twisted dark sides...ha ms.lovitt was too cute tim burton is one sick man ..anyways then we went to laredos ..i was So bad i had a bean burrito and rice seriously...such a fat ass ..i really did miss my mr. tripp-sterling i'm lucky hes an angel face ((never fussy)) i think it makes my mom want to baby sit even more so then if he was a scream my head off baby 
i smoked some ciggs which i have been doin when i leave the house in the car wut can i saw camel menthol lights relieve some stress 
okay GooD NiighT 

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(no subject)

Dec. 27th, 2007 | 11:46 am

so  yesterday me and chuck <<urgh>> took tripp by his moms house and his aunt house they all gave me presents too their so sweet!! but yeah that kinda made up for him being "sick" and not going to christmas dinner
anyways it was fun to see everyone ooo and ahh over my little man! but around 9:30 i got a horrible migraine and we left his aunts and came home chuck fed him his bottle and changed him and his diaper and played with him for a while before he left bc of this damn migraine it was nice of him he had work at 6 am the next morning

oooo-and my boss called so i'll be working monday 9-5:30 soo NOT excited i have to get new brushes and shit cause i lost mine

i love borat its such a funny move haha the feminist and humor coach TOO funny

well not much goin on my mom and brother went to the atlanta aquarium since they havnt been yet. me and chuck went haha that was his birthday the week before mine the week before i found out i was pregnant wow...i was 3 months before i knew im such a dumb ass haha
so its me and tripp for the day he has a little cough and his nose keeps filling up with boogies which i keep bulb syringing HE HATES THIS i dont know what to give him tho im not familiar with infant medicines..
-as far as me and chuck go...i DONT KNOW im sick of hearing i love you then getting bitched at later like goooo screw yourself ya know?
AnYwAya Holla haha

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so um yeah

Dec. 26th, 2007 | 01:21 am

okay i dont think i quite get how to post these lj things hah
looking back at my little entrys i look like a crazy lunatic forsure and maybe a bit dramatic
maybe i am overboard and expect too much out of everyone but you know what i do the same to myself

i am in a very bad mood..im on  my period...and i have to go back to work sunday
sundays and mondays OMG I AM GOING TO CRY i dont want to be away from tripp we are together all day everyday in the past 2 months the longest i have been away was christmas shopping with chuck for 3 hours while my mom watched him and i missed him...am i obsessed . maybe just a control freak i have a way with him that they dont and i know he likes my ways i just know it haha
i'm random when i talk to ...such a weirdo i like to blurt it gets me in tons-o-trouble but i am a blurter ba hahahahha

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christmas time isn't what is used to be

Dec. 25th, 2007 | 10:46 pm
mood: disappointeddisappointed

so basicly the father of my child is a liar, a jerk and and overall baby himself!!!
lets see some big fight broke out sunday...chuck was suppose to come with me and the baby and my family for our christmas party at our family friends house these people have known me since i was born and it is very important to me their basicly our extended family. anyways, he had work at 6 am at kroger...woooow ..then he had to come home and help his dad fix some big hole in their wall which he said his grandpa made but with his anger issues i wouldnt doubt that it was from him...okay so yelling and cussing all before we went my mom started crying!! she gets emotional when things arnt all happy and perfect..i couldnt enjoy the party the baby was fussy so we left early and all i could do was cry..so me and he baby got home and then we were on the phone at it again!!so finally im just thinking to myself okay christmas eve is tomm and i just cant fight this christmas with him. so my parents invited him and his dad over for christmas eve dinner and it was nice ..he gave me a necklace i had picked out sat night when we were out shopping (which by the way was really fun) (but chuck has split personalitys and goes ape shit over stupid shit and hes always mad so yeah) 
okay anyways yes i got a necklace and some baby phat perfume??um okay and he said i have diamond earrings on the way..yeah right hes full of it im sorry but i doubt ill ever see those and his dad got me 20 $ to bath and body works woo hoo. So since ive been on maternity leave and got him a 400$ doller guitar last christmas while he game me NOTHING! i got him NOTHING!!!haha not to mention hes an asshole and he didnt deserve shit bc of well everything hes put me through. My parents bought him a cd and some 70 $ DC shoes and a picture frame that says dad and is really cute..yea thats what he gets from my parents and whhhhy???? I DONT KNOW ! THEIR WAY TOO NICE
ok so after that him and his dad went to midnight mass then around 2 am he wants to come back over and spend the night...wat do ya know we start fighting!!! he owes me 25$ for formula i bought the other day and i brought that up and it just started a bunch of shit cause hes a jerk and cant ever realize he has responsibilitys now. so he leaves and all the while tripp has a little cold..still does..does he care? NO..i do everything for this baby and i dont mind it but its kinda sad he doesnt wanna be here every waking momment w/e though his loss ..okay soo today was christmas and chuck has family that lives like 25 minutes away so me the baby and him were suppose to go over there for dinner and aww poor chuck doesnt feel good so we dont even go!!! and they all have only seen the baby once at thanksgiving i was excited to go i got a new sweater and shoes cause nothing fits post pregnancy!but nope chuck is "sick" so he sat at home all day by himself and i was at my house with my family...i really hope his family doesnt think i didnt want to go!!i told him we HAVE to bring him over tomm or the next day cause they all got the baby presents AND WE DIDNT EVEN SHOW UP I FEEL SOOOO BAD!!but its not my fault!
okay anyways so today me and tripp went down stairs and opeaned presents my mom went waaay over board haha she loves this baby so much..somtimes i feel like shes more of a dad then chuck!! she is with him more thats for sure! how fuckin pathetic anyways baby tripp racked up from my parents
-kick and crawel ball so cool it lights up sings and rolls around BY ITSELF!
-a train thing that has blocks that spin on it and it rolls around on its own while lighting up and making noise
-a mirror that you put in the car while hes in the carseat he can see himself and me while i drive and i have a remote to make the music turn on
- a lamaze giraffe toy that hangs on his play mat
-a little teether pooh book squisy thing that hangs on his play mat
-an eore soft little stuffed animal with a rattle in it ..its for infants!its so cute
-a vtech pooh book when you turn the page it reads it and sings and he can move things around on the page to make it light up and sing 
-avent bottles and pooh bottles
i feel like im forgetting things but yeah ..o chucks dad game him 30$ to gymboree..anyways so chuck isnt even coming to see his baby on his very first christmas "he doesnt feel good" i never knew he was such a self-pittying baby jerk!!!!gosh i cant help but feel hate towards him all he does is scream and yell in the phone like he is about to kill me and calls me every name in the book and seriously most of time it is for no reason and i just hang up now i dont need that shit!
he ruined my christmas i will never forget this crap and all after textinbg with that ugly beaver looking girl just last week..like are you kidding me ...you shouldbe kissing my bootay..i am always upset why cant he just be sweet..i mean sometimes he is but the boy is just screwed up ever since i got pregnant its one minute i love you i wanna get married the next..you fucking bitch i fucking hate you ..and this is really bad to say but i honest to god wonder all the time if he even loves tripp...i dont see how anyone couldnt he is the most beautiful precious thing in this world. so many men would kill to have a healthy beautiful baby boy for christmas ..he'll regret this one day and i doubt ill be with him that one day..I PROMISE I WILL NOT LIVE THIS WAY. I dont know if i still love him anymore how could i ...i hate this i just wanna cry sometimes i just wanna never get out of bed and just cry BUT i cant my life is for someone els now and he is all that matters. so i am just goin to try and just be and not really say anything to chuck i mean you know ..really talk to him like deep conversations between lovers nope dont even want to..i dont want to touch him i just want to get along and i doubt he will even realize that ive lost all respect for him ..im just gonna keep my mouth shut and not even try to let him know what he needs to change cause he never will..i dont know where his anger comes from but NO he will not take it out on me anymore NO!
That is all..i am so glad tripp isnt old enough to know the diffrence!!I cant wait to go back to school and get a good job and make a great life for us ..it will be beautiful one..and hello single motherhood!! hah whether chuck wants to accept it of not..buh-bye we are done and weve been done! GOOOD NIGHT

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Dec. 21st, 2007 | 02:41 pm

so...today is friday and not much going on me and tripp are just laying in bed like ..ALWAYS..last night my parents good friends that live a couple hours away came by the house and tripp got a present from them..cute cute. chuck hung out..hes at work now. my mom went into work for 4 hours hah.my dads off work today but i guess he went out shopping..mmm buy me things!!jk i really cant think of anything that i want i mean maybe get my hair done.but whats the point of new clothes when your trying to loose weight.all i want is money for my baby hes all that matters anymore i cant believe how un-selfish i have become...but can i just say pregnancy fucked my body up soooo much.its lts evil..weight gain stretch marks ..i mean its NOT FAIRRRR i hate this body im left with..however its a trade off and i deaf got the better deal ((TRIPP)) ..i am watching tlc-baby storey and hm home births are just plain dangerous..i know for example if i would have given birth at home my baby would have been dead for sure ..they had to rececitate (sp) at birth so and then this lady was loosing waaay too much blood and she was rushed to the hopsital..woulda been a lot more convenient if you were already there but thats everyones right to do as they please.i just think its stupid. logic over sentiment.

   so bc of tripps trauma at birth tho nothing was found in any of the mri's or the tons of other tests they ran i am going to do this babies first or somthing like that you just bring you baby in to be evaluated on things developemental stages and if hes lacking there is physical therapist and diffrent people that will help all for free..this is a nice thing to have for babies that are born with handicaps. and preemies.though sometimes i hate Ga i love Ga ..the hope scholarship.my pregnancy medicaid all these free programs around here ..the hospital i was at is very nice and they had the sweetest nurses ever.
its been so gross outside lately i dont want tripp going outside its rainy windy and cold yuck ..im gonna go now....one last announcement

oh and for all the mommys of little boys ..the most perfect daddy and baby soung
beautiful boy-john lennon its so sweet

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(no subject)

Dec. 20th, 2007 | 01:17 pm
mood: draineddrained

sometimes i wish i was young in the late 60's-early 70's....
i would listen to the rolling stones and ....well you know haha
damn ever since the y2k shit sucks...
peace (-<)

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Dec. 19th, 2007 | 03:12 pm
mood: calmcalm

i dont get this lj thing how do i know if i can look at my friends journals it wont let me....
so we just got back from chucks tripp got to meet his dogs ..they were very good with the baby...all he could do is stare at me and say i love you im sorry...i dunno i am feeling numb to any emotion towards anyone but my baby these days ....okay so tripp just got his rainforest mat omg it is so cute and he loves it he has so much fun looking at the lights and kicking things its so cute so his old mat is like the lame one without music and lights. he hasnt even been in his bouncer for like 2 days which i call his chair which he loves but he is so over that now haha hes the coolest most grown up mature baby ever haha im just waiting for him to start talking to me like stuie in family guy does hah that wud be verrrrry...odd anyways i HAVE TO LOOSE THIS WEIGHT i put on during my pregnancy and shortly before im just like soo hungy but yesterday i did good and i got on the treadmill and today hopefully i can eat healthy and do the treadmill today ..so im, not looking forward to returning to work next sunday its only 2 days a week but i think forgot how to groom..thats right im a dog groomer at petsmart fun fuckin shit..Um i love tlc a baby storey i am so obsessed with babies now .. 

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(no subject)

Dec. 18th, 2007 | 07:43 pm
mood: crushedcrushed

just some pics of my baby tripp and chuck is in the second pic
...o what a day i feel asleep crying and feel asleep crying and i just dont have time for this....sunday my bf went downstairs to get his laundry and being the nosey non-trusting snoop (all for good reasons) that i am i pick up his cell and start looking in his call list nothin out of the ordinary then i find some suspicious lookin text of him with some random number basicly the person was like whats up lets meet up and catch up blah blah and basically he was like ok lets meet up here or here and why dont u just call me then a hour or so later she text back um ill call u on my way home from picking up my friend OOOOOOOOOOOK AT THIS POINT MY HANDS ARE SHAKING AND MY HEART IS SINKING INTO MY CHEASTlike wtf who is this i deaf didnt hear anything of this person before..she turned out to be some girl who went to his little catholic private school um population 200.. that hapens to call him randomly which he claims he never answers the phone and he never said anything about it bc she wont leave him alone and bc he knew id freak out um duuuh they didnt meet and he told the skank to never call him again..i had him change his cell number too but its weird how he didnt even have to ask who she was when she said whats up he just knew the number what can i say im pissed we have just been through hell and back with him lying about stupid shit like having a job or working when he wasnt my whole pregnancy fights everything imaginable i thought we were past this ..guess not. like why should i even care maybe it was harmless but he never told me about it therefor it looks sneaky and uh do i have anyone to talk to about this nope my mom but shes obviously one sided and it makes me mad that he didnt feel the need to let the girl know he had a gf let alone a baby whatever i guess ill just put it in the back of my mind ONCE AGAIN and move on this sucks its like he is a complete liar and hides things just to save us all the trouble ..well this is ridiculous we have a son together who by the way spent 9 days in the nicu after birth due to trauma at birth and we were together at the hospital he was by my side we were with him all day for those 9 days all this stuff just happend the end of october. but thats another story for another day .....he has appologized for his poor judgement and thinks that its nothing since he ended the conversation and never met up with her and it will never happen again hell do anything i want blah blah he tells me he loves me every day that he wants to get married blah blah blah look at me im just another teen mom with a ..well haha baby daddy that makes nothing but broken promises..WoW I NEVVVVER thought this would be me at 19..im a good girl with a nice family but i somehow manged to get KNOCKED UP -i am now happy for that-anyways but i swear its not like i dont have feelings for him i love him with everything i have we know eachother in and out we have spent pretty much everyday together since the day we met...over two years ago..inseprable but wow can we fight and  YET HE CANT TELL ME WHEN A GIRL TEXTS HIM ??????????WTF how will i ever be able to trust him this was suppose to be the final straw with his lies but i didnt think his lie would ever involve a female it just sucks i really dont have a choice in giving him another chance hes the father of my child i hope he sets up counseling and i hope it works i hope he will stop being scared of me and learn that honesty is so important and if he would just come to me with things when they first happen there wouldnt be a problem and please god please let him keep this job and go back to school..im not saying i have been perfect but that all changed when i found out i was pregnant since that point i have made so many efforts to make this relationship work my heart just cant take anymore..i know neither of us has ever cheated or even come close but we dont know how to communicate about things that may cause a rift its so stupid ..anyways guess i have to face the fact that i may end up a single mom i may leave him.. this has got to change not just for me but for tripp he does not need parents with a faulty relationship ..EW I CANT BELIEVE ALL THAT WAS ABOUT MY BF ..hah guess im that girl the clingy dependent type nowadays what  change for me ..okay but when all is said and done no matter what happends i am so thankful for this baby we made and wow he is such a good baby..he cries maybe 4 times a day maybe for 3 minutes i mean thats when im too slow with his bottle all in all life IS GOOD and i am so smitten with my baby boy Tripp...glad everyone who looks at this is a complete stranger ..imma go see whoose shit i can read on this thing now ..no life nope...none haha

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